Travel Idiot Savants
I'm in a Holiday Inn Express that, for reasons unknown to me, requires the use of the room key to activate the elevator. Personally, I thought my Priority Club points had gotten me to the "your floor needs a special key" level - then I remembered it was Holiday Inn.
Anyway, I'm at the front desk to intellectually challenge the night shift associate in a game of Can You Find Me Some More Pillows. Before it's my turn, I'm watching a stellar pair of specimens from California negotiate a late checkout. The wife wants to jump right to cutting a financial deal with the front desk's master, to get her a check out time of "as late as possible." The husband interrupts, asking about the hotel's late checkout policy. The wife counter's her husband's query with the "I'm talking here" statement, and returns to trying to purchase a late checkout. At this point, I'm ready to take $20 from the mental giants and let them use my room as long as they want. The Einstein twins move towards the elevator. I hang for 5 minutes as the desk clerk navigates the housekeeping stores for pillows. To pass the time, I watch a large contingent of Japanese teenage girls (who speak absolutely no English) file through the halls. I've learned its best not to even wonder, and just let surreal events be. And then the pillows are presented. I make my way to the elevators and jab the button. Car 3 opens up, and I'm greeted by the Californians. Lady genius starts to get off, but man genius recognizes that they are still on the first floor. Apparently the directions about using your key to activate the elevator were completely lost on these two. The large sign with 2" letters was also lost on the 2 brain cells in the car. What impresses me the most is that, given the time I was at the desk, these two have been standing in an elevator for more than 5 minutes without any sign of movement. I once rode the elevator to the top of the Sears tower, and it took less than 1 minute. Lucky for them I came along and saved them from their elevator hell.
The following morning, I'm helping myself to the free milk and cereal in the breakfast room. The dude in front of me is struggling with the milk dispenser. It is the variety that consists of a big cooler with big boxes of milk, with a plastic tube that drops through a little metal pinch valve. Milk dude is attempting to reconcile the fine differences between 2% and skim, but quickly gets shut down completely by the dispensing mechanism. I tell him to lift the metal lever, and turn to observe another heard of Japanese girls. When I look back, my breakfast buddy is attempting to massage the plastic milk tube with his fingers. In his world, I guess it looked like a cows tit, and he'd go with what he knows. Then I recognized him as the elevator man.
These people should not be allowed to leave the home. It's just wrong.
Anyway, I'm at the front desk to intellectually challenge the night shift associate in a game of Can You Find Me Some More Pillows. Before it's my turn, I'm watching a stellar pair of specimens from California negotiate a late checkout. The wife wants to jump right to cutting a financial deal with the front desk's master, to get her a check out time of "as late as possible." The husband interrupts, asking about the hotel's late checkout policy. The wife counter's her husband's query with the "I'm talking here" statement, and returns to trying to purchase a late checkout. At this point, I'm ready to take $20 from the mental giants and let them use my room as long as they want. The Einstein twins move towards the elevator. I hang for 5 minutes as the desk clerk navigates the housekeeping stores for pillows. To pass the time, I watch a large contingent of Japanese teenage girls (who speak absolutely no English) file through the halls. I've learned its best not to even wonder, and just let surreal events be. And then the pillows are presented. I make my way to the elevators and jab the button. Car 3 opens up, and I'm greeted by the Californians. Lady genius starts to get off, but man genius recognizes that they are still on the first floor. Apparently the directions about using your key to activate the elevator were completely lost on these two. The large sign with 2" letters was also lost on the 2 brain cells in the car. What impresses me the most is that, given the time I was at the desk, these two have been standing in an elevator for more than 5 minutes without any sign of movement. I once rode the elevator to the top of the Sears tower, and it took less than 1 minute. Lucky for them I came along and saved them from their elevator hell.
The following morning, I'm helping myself to the free milk and cereal in the breakfast room. The dude in front of me is struggling with the milk dispenser. It is the variety that consists of a big cooler with big boxes of milk, with a plastic tube that drops through a little metal pinch valve. Milk dude is attempting to reconcile the fine differences between 2% and skim, but quickly gets shut down completely by the dispensing mechanism. I tell him to lift the metal lever, and turn to observe another heard of Japanese girls. When I look back, my breakfast buddy is attempting to massage the plastic milk tube with his fingers. In his world, I guess it looked like a cows tit, and he'd go with what he knows. Then I recognized him as the elevator man.
These people should not be allowed to leave the home. It's just wrong.
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